My wife wants to be a stay at home mom reddit

My wife wants to be a stay at home mom reddit. I don't see it as selfish when it's like that. worried19. Hubby works in concrete and has for 15 years. We are in more debt than I am comfortable with, and show no signs of digging out. We have one child. You could also suggest that she look into part time work, or having her own small business she does at home. When you are interviewing, you need to explain that you do not work and even though you are home the babies are the nanny's responsibility. I would not be able to function and work as I do without his support. tl;dr: Husband thinks stay at home wife (with kid in daycare full-time) is lazy. There are men who think a woman's place is at the home as a domestic servant. Only his wife expects more of him. Edit 2: Since people are calling me selfish let me include If your marriage ends up dead then, at best, he’ll wait until the children are mature enough to not be a burden on you or he’ll take a good part of the responsibility for raising the children. Daycare yes, but many stay at home moms do part-time preschool. Welcome to TwoXChromosomes, a subreddit for both serious and silly content, and intended for women's perspectives. Monthly Expenses: Averaging $7,000 / month through the first 8 months of the year. Hopefully that helped some. Pretty much assuming a stay at home mom is a good mom and being a woman automatically means you will be a great mother. • 2 yr. If she were to get a job, that would be a huge load off in terms of finances and a step closer to having my wife stay at home. So she went back to work when my daughter was in middle school. You can't just think about what you could be getting paid at work, you have to also look at how much you'd have to pay other people to do the work you no longer have the time to do (i. My two cents as a mom would be to stay with baby for another six months and then reassess. Out of these 480 days, 60 must be taken by the father or else all are lost. She went on maternity leave from work a couple of months before she gave birth, and now we're under lockdown and were talking recently about what we should do after the lockdown and when she'll Stay at home mom. Find new friends. I am very sorry that your safety has been endangered by your SO's family and your SO. You would have to figure out if you can live on about 50% of his wages. My wife had our baby 4 months ago and her maternity leave ended this week. Stay at home moms are usually stuck in their marriage or destined to suffer in poverty, especially in japan…so it’s not a choice without severe consequences. If I remember correctly, I could only write off about 20% of my childcare expenses. Your only responsibility is to feed Don't get me wrong, we don't give her whatever she wants, but my wife gives her a reasonable allowance (about $60 every 2 weeks). The house is in his name only, including the Many families opt to have a stay at home parent because there isn't enough benefit to the second parent getting a job and then sending it all to the day care. Lol but seriously the whole childcare/babysitting is a big issue and has cause my wife or I to call in to work for the day. 4. my wife was a stay at home mom, but when my daughter was in school all day she got bored. acatwithajob. call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 800. Relationships. You complain about being too tired to do things around the house, well, so is your wife. I wouldn’t want my partner to have all of that stress on them. Depends on whether she's seeing an opportunity not to work, or if she's answering a calling to be a homemaker. Some days she wants to stay but her time there is done, she knows this. Thus lowering the burden on you. 3) Right now, I have 2 jobs at 2 different hospitals. I want to be a housewife and stay-at-home-mother and if I want that it's feminist empowerment. Then you step up and be her partner. In the “Am I The A Many families find that having a stay at home spouse (FYI it's not always the mom either, sometimes the dad stays home, increasingly common these days) is a much more financially safe option. 1. You know, for the duration of the cleaning service, at least. We all experience a form of this in childhood. If there's a new baby at home, you need to help with housework. I work on it pretty obsessively and I can make around 600-800 a month. Additionally, Allah doesn’t guarantee your spouse will live a long life, will have a steady job, will life a life free of disability, will not be abusive, or will line up Resentment over being a stay at home mom. It's all about what works for you and your family. My wife and I have a system that makes everything work perfectly without any bumps in the road. I refused to back down and he ended up taking off after I said he should be the stay at home parent if he wants one so bad, and him saying he didn’t deserve to be emasculated just for suggesting I should stay home like a “good mom”. I had a professor in college who estimated that a stay at home mom was worth about $40,000/year. When I moved for work, she relocated with me and worked at the local WalMart. I left a managerial position and turned down a major promotion for a non-supervisory job closer to home. YES! And I am a mother. We have a 9 year old and 2. She finally decided to go back to work and saints be praised I got my wife back and she is the best mom ever makes all school function and extracurricular activities for the kids. Here is what you need to do; Step 1: Talk to a DIVORCE attorney. The change was hard, but worth it. Jul 19, 2022 · Reddit is fiercely rallying around a user who is being pressured to be a stay-at-home mom. "saccharine music". The dream purchases stuff might be her personality but that also sounds like a side effect of the depression. What would your reaction be? If her salary was equivalent to the cost of daycare, would that change your position at all? 13 hours ago · Yes there are some people who just love kids and love taking care of them, but I honestly think that's the minority of both men and women. Start to work at 9am, my pregnant wife and my 2 year old son wakes up and we do eat at the same time while I work. Most people find it actually hard to do well. We decided that she would stay home with the baby rather than working, so this is what we did for the first 2 years. As a stay at home dad, I will say that it’s SUPER beneficial to having parent always being able to be present with the child(ren). It also requires a great deal of thought during down time. When women are given the ability to make their own money, there is certainly a correlation to delaying first marriage. That being said, I almost feel as if she wants to do it for the wrong reasons. I miss getting to be lazy or sleep in. My wife’s is unpredictable. And they have the advantage of it being socially acceptable. We get equal spending money. I used the time when the kids were at school to take walks with other people I met earlier, when our kids hung out at the playground together. If you outsourced all the services that stay at home parents do for the family you would be looking at more than your $150,000 cost per year to fund all that. Something like “been a stay at home mom for 14 years, getting back into work, bla bla bla” In my opinion, a resume shouldn’t be too busy. We bought our 3 bedroom newly renovated house in 2013. I would also consider your husband's job. She went back to work last year 2022. He would need to make a lot of money for you to do so. Practically a stay at hone wife. so as said above, she doesn't want to be a sahm. That’s absurd unless your very wealthy. SAFE (7233) if you need a safe person to talk to on the phone. She should get min wage tbh and that’s still a lot. laziestwife. She told me she wants to quit her job and take care of our baby full-time but I'm don't think that is financially feasible right now. His wife is a stay-at-home mom and does the child-rearing. However the crap being spewed here is boggling my mind. Wild presumptions about womanhood and motherhood. I do small breaks to wash dishes and to look for my son. She sees quitting as failing, and hates failing. So basically the first two options just repackaged with a shitty bow this time. I love all the time I get with him alone and it's really changed my outlook on life. 092413. Mine does work but only 1-3 hours a day. Roupert2. Edit: Thank you for your support, I feel way better with that off my chest. All I want in life is to be a mom. RANT. Being a stay at home mom is 100% a choice that many women don't have. You can shop, watch TV, nap, do household chores, work out, do house projects, or do absolutely nothing. I understand that that is the reality sometimes when daycare costs are more than your income. Not to mention my wife and I get stressed constantly because we both work 8-12 hour days (sometimes up to 16 Stay at home mom life is lonely in a pandemic. I used to work full time before we got married, but the job, while it paid well, was super awful and I had a terribly abusive boss. WORSE Decision ever. I was working long hours with a long commute, so that my wife can work part time. Raising children is a full time job and is very demanding. Daycare expense would have been 30 % of my wife's salary, 15 % of our joint income. If you have 3 kids, she could around 8-10 years on being a stay at home mom, but you want her thinking ahead to what she will want later. I consider 50% of “my” paycheck to be his money that he is earning. Short, sweet, and gets the point across. Your “everyday I hear about how being a stay at home mom is a full time job” seems to lack empathy and tbh, an understanding of how hard it is to be a SAHM. I'm a 23M and my wife is a 22F. she wants to be retired. I wanted my wife to be a stay at home wife, not because I wanted her to be my domestic servant, but because I wanted to prove that I was a good provider and could take care of her needs. Wow I really hope you are OK. Me and my husband(34M)been together 11 years. I thought being a stay-at-home mom would be easier, too. SAHMs like to validate their choice to stay at home by calling it a "job", but in truth, many stay at home mothers are lonely and depressed. New babies wake to eat every 1-3 hours, not to mention everything else that goes into taking care of a baby. Both of us decided that I would work and could decide to be a stay at home mom if I wanted and if our finances could support it. to talk to a lawyer next week. Looking after your child, full time, as a stay at home mom/dad might not be fun 100% of the day… but you are on your own schedule. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! I 39 M resent my 38F stay at home wife. It isn't really the norm anywhere in the western world anymore. We probably don’t want to know what my wife does all day. Anything that would enable me to have quality time with my child too. That instinct is strong in many men and is not controlling. I myself am part of a forum for workers of Mturk, and many of the users are stay at home moms who make anywhere from 20 to 80 dollars a day. It doesn’t leave much for her to actually do around the house. I think more than anything that’s too much to ask for. Spousal support about 25 or 30% of his income (since you have none). I became a stay at home mom after our second. You CAN live on a 70k income, but its going to be much different than living on a $134k income. That was tough, but my husband made more money and it made the most sense at the time. With the rise of the feminist movement it's evening happening to stay-at-home moms. A "career" type job stays with you during most of your waking hours in one way or another. We have three kids - 12, 10, and 2. It might not be possible depending on decisions you made pre-baby. I was just curious to see what the majority of men felt. • 3 yr. Comments about there needing to be more stay at home moms and no mention of stay at home fathers (yes someone did). My wife loves her job and earns enough for us to meet our financial goals. I love my wife very much. I don't think stay-at-home dads are weirder or less acceptable than stay-at-home moms. I have two awesome boys who are 7 and 5. My husband [34/M] is a stay at home dad. The woman took to the AITA forum to detail her situation and find out if she’s the a-hole (spoiler Being a stay at home mom would never work for me personally. Suppose she was very career oriented when you met and after having kids her priorities changed and she wanted to stay home. Home: $2,900/month; $440k on a 4% loan, home worth ~$625k+. . I work, my husband stays at home. 15. Award. We decided to roll this straight into our home loan principal this year. So many questions. You need to work in order to get good living conditions for when you retire. hotmessgodbless. •. Just because she has been a SAHM does not mean that you don't have equal rights as a parent. ADMIN MOD. Your husband is financially abusing you. Home life is good but I don’t ask too many questions lol. I [27M] can't stand my stay at home wife [25F] but also can't leave her. My wife has been a stay at home mom for the past 14 years. Some of the reasons I am struggling with this decisions are. I just want to be a stay at home wife. paxcincinnatus. He has expressed that he wants to retire me and let me be a stay at home wife/mom whenever that’s Being stay at home often surrenders this, often lifelong. Men do a little more at home — they’ve doubled the time they spend on housework since 1965, and women now do less — but women still do about an hour more a day. Best wishes for a new chapter in your life. My Husband is encouraging me to be a stay at home wife but I’m on the fence. Her not having to work outside the home would alleviate a large part of why she is overwhelmed. Vote. But you have to dress sexy most of the time. This is in 2008. eaimdm. I don’t hate my job. And she works with a lot of whiners. New comments cannot be posted. Whatever works for the family and the people involved and everybody agrees, it's great. Mine was net $11,000 last year – this was the lower end of my potential. ranchmama. Oftentimes, they say stuff like "but I am also a chef, because I feed my kids. Also most of my wife’s friends are at her work and I’m worried she won’t Planning is a learned skill and the first couple years of parenting is exhausting and a pretty thankless job. Most nannies that I know are looking for full time hours or part time hours with better pay. Not a SAHM, here. Get her better help for her mental health. Upon her firsts days back at work, she's been having an extremely hard time, saying she can't be away from our child. Let me start off by saying I love my LO, he's my everything and my best friend. relating to or containing sugar; sugary. I (30F) am a stay at home mom and have been for 9 years. There is no right or wrong. 3 children. (My brother plays about $10k per child each year). They have it made and they know it. My wife (22F) wants to be a stay at home mom. But you will get looks, judgement and an overall 'looking down' vibe from people. Step 3: Stop procrastating and schedule an appointment to talk to a divorce attorney. saccharine. But honestly I miss being a stay at home mom but my boys are growing (one graduates next year) and I found myself not doing as much and being bored during the day. We are a welcoming subreddit and support the rights of all genders. Something more flexible that gives her a different type of work than just being a stay at home mom. We own our car, 2008 Subaru WRX and own a few other vechiles. Parents of whichever gender are entitled to stay at home with their child for a total of 480 days while receiving 80% of their salary. My wife has decided that she wants to be a stay at home mom so she can make sure our daughter is taken care of. : r/Divorce. It is about 550 times as sweet as sucrose but has a bitter or metallic aftertaste, especially at high concentrations. Assuming that she does take this opportunity to actually BE a homemaker, as opposed to a mom who just stays at home, then you'll probably be happier for it. At the beginning of this year 2023 she decided to reduce her hours and I said fine do whatever you need to do. I wouldn’t include “stay at home mom” in the work experience area, I’d put that on top in the intro. I think a lot of times stay at home moms just feel like they should be working outside the home or the are not valued, sometimes I think they tell themselves that and sometimes it’s true. I worked for a short time jus to get out of the house but bringing home $10-20 or so after an 8 hour shift is demoralizing. Background: my kids are 2 and 5, I make great money at a work from home job with a good boss and a pension. I am really struggling with making the leap. Even in the US, stay at home moms are not the norm. I make about $50,000 a year. Husband (me) and wife, each 41 years old, married 3 years, have one 3 year old daughter. I was a stay at home wife, now stay at home mom. Some dad's are able to find side-work from home, that's income on top of saving. I have had problems with chronic anxiety for much of my life, and that’s made it difficult me to enjoy Post divorce she will likely need to give up on being a SAHM, especially since she should be able to work during the days she doesn't have custody. • 10 yr. It's probably regional. Not having family nearby does put you at a disadvantage. You know, baby goes to sleep and you can clean the house or do laundry. They don't think about the other implications of what they say or how it might make you feel. You can always go back and save but there is no turning back time with the baby. Stay at home husband (no kids) So I’m 31 years old, and I quit my teaching job last year due to the pandemic. I don’t feel that way, but I know a lot of women who do. Step 2: Stop listening to what your friends say and talk to that divorce attorney. Let me start off by saying that my wife is a stay at home mom and she does a phenomenal job doing it. But by the time I get my 7 month old down for a nap, all I want to do is sit quietly and try to catch my breath. No. I did it for a while (I'm a woman). Yes, I have an appt. Saccharin is an artificial sweetener with effectively no nutritional value. A career takes a bare minimum of 8 hours a day 5 days a week (assuming no commute, overtime or work done at home). It is only seen negatively if the stay at home spouse is clearly not working as hard as the go-to-work spouse. Especially if you are going to have more kids. But in the meantime, maybe some of you can share your experience and help me know what to expect? Married 11 years. 3. child care etc. Yes. She refused that, turning me into a ATM and domestic help. The longer you work and the more hits you've completed and had approved, the more and better paying hits you're able to do. A little background here: My girlfriend and I lived together for a few years before I graduated and got a job as an engineer. She kind of sees her coworkers as a family and will miss them. ago. Reply reply. Sure, if he was happy to help with their bedtimes and to give you a break on a regular basis it could be nice. Hey Cool Mom, I work 60 to 70 hours a week at a stressful job, which allows my wife to be a stay-at-home mom and take care of our toddler full The whole stay at home mom-thing is not normal here. And that's the other thing, make sure that you go for 50/50 custody. Considering where the birthrate is, I challenge the idea that "so many" women want to become mothers in the first place. I am starting to harbor resentment over the decision. Wife cook lunch and on my lunch break I’ll shower my son, dress him up and we eat. Just about everyone I know who does this has a high earning spouse, probably additional streams of income like rental properties or has family money help. It was a huge financial sacrifice that, coupled with a couple bad decisions (mostly around buying too much house), hasn't really worked. My husband has been recently suggesting I quit my current job and become a stay at home wife. My wife has been a stay at home Mom for 12 years, and she wants to go back into the workforce. My partner and I aren’t married yet but we plan to be. Currently we can’t afford full time babysitter (we’re getting both of our boys (3yo and 2yo) ready for pre-K. My wife currently is away from home 10 to 12 hours a day. My wife and I are affluent middle class folks. The pandemic has been very stressful at my (government) job but I still recognize my good fortune. We've been paying $400-1000/ month for the past 5 years (3 kids, first just 1, then just my middle, then my 2nd and 3rd at the same time). If I could have any dream life, all I want is to be a stay at home mom. Working Husband, Stay at home Mom - inequity in the relationship. I'm basing my post on the fact that 55% of 30 year old women have never married, up from 45% in 1990. People are going to say all kinds of crazy things, because suddenly when you're pregnant their opinions are gold. " Or "I am a beautician, because I brushed my kid's hair Step 1: Make a budget and see if you can afford it. The chores women do more of are indoors, like cleaning and cooking. I think its an easy ass thing to do. The chores men do more of are usually outdoors, like car upkeep and yard work. She could look into local stay at home parents groups to make friends and playdates and Six months is pretty young considering many countries give one year as maternity leave. waterbaby333. smashmu13. In an equitable relationship in which the couple shares finances and takes care of one another, it is far from a "death trap" lol. I make plenty of money and we have everything we could want for ourselves and two young kids (5 and 8). So make sure to choose wisely. Your basically asking for a stay at home nanny’s erntire salary as play money. YTA. I would much rather stay at home and chill with the kids then work all week. GuyInKansai. A place for sharing the for-better and for-worse of marriage. I saw the post asking men and wanted to see if answers from women were similar. I would work for you. But if my wife made 500k a year I would still work. 5. Our Cool Mom has thoughts. e. We just welcomed a baby into the world. So me and my girl have been together for a while, during the honeymoon phase we talk about what we wanted in our relationship and everything. Uncaring mother who values her job over her kids and is dumb enough to complain about the cost of daycare when she could just stay at home like a loving mother would. My wife decided to stay at home after our second child. So I'll say it again. For the last 2 weeks, my husband has been bringing up me being a stay at home mom and quitting my job. Don’t trap yourself with someone who you don’t trust fully to make your mental health a priority. Feminism ist about female empowerment and doing what I want is empowerment at it's finest. Posts are moderated for respect, equanimity, grace, and relevance. she also wants to be a stay at home mom permanently, so when the kids are in school, the kids are in college, the kids are adults living on their own. If everything goes well, he will be able to support us on his salary in 7-10 years. Being a stay-at-home-wife is skyrocketing my well-being. 799. looking for input: I have never wanted to be a stay home mom before but, post-pandemic, the urge is so strong right now. I have been stay-at-home mom for the past 8 years. 22. It makes you dependent and at the mercy of whomever you depend on. And you say she loves the idea of being a stay at home mom. I LOVE my job. . My wife has stayed at home since our having children 10 years ago. r/simpleliving. If she wants to be a stay at home mom, she should be taking care of her kids not looking to take care of other people’s kids. Staying at home makes your retirement plan shitty. I cover all expenses. If stay at home parents were paid, they would make around 180k per year. Sick of hearing about Stay at Home Mom’s “hard job”. If she wants to give up being a full time nurse, it needs to not impact your kids and at least cover paying for health insurance and part of her loans. Hey y’all. My husband (then fiance) kept telling me to quit and I could find a new job after the honeymoon, so I did. I support her for wanting to do that but I know she enjoys working and if I’m being honest I’m worried we won’t be able to pay bills if she quits. [deleted] ADMIN MOD. It's only bad when if you literally cannot afford it and your partner must take on more hours/another job or two to cover the income loss all because you want to be at home. Is his job stable? What are the chances of him getting fired or laid off? The last thing you want is decide to stay at home, and then in 6 months to a year have your husband lose his job. A lot of them. They had an agreement. 5 k a month for 12 months is over 40k. How would you feel if your wife wanted to be a stay at home mom? Social Issues. AITA for not wanting my wife to become a stay at home mum. Hard to know the true nature of people. But I want a break, fiancé gets to go out and visit friends without him and it makes me jealous sometimes, he always checks and makes Jan 23, 2023 · He goes to work and takes care of the bills. Everyone has their reasons for and against stay at home mom life. I would never have a wife be a stay at home mom fuck that. I guarantee that if you agree to this he’s going to want the two year old to stay home with you. Nov 11, 2022 · She’s a SAHM of three kids 5 and under, yet she has some pretty cushy help to the tune of $90,000 a year. After taxes and daycare, I was working for $1-3/hr. I currently work full time and he is in a graduate school. And that number jumps up for college grads and women with higher income. So, about six months ago, my wife gave birth to our beautiful baby daughter. From the start, I made it clear that I want a relationship where we both work, and both put our incomes together to live Comfortably together. I'm speaking from experience. It sounds like she wants to be a stay at home mom and is overwhelmed having to work, be a mother, and as it sounds like it take care of a heavier load of the household tasks. I was not even demanding day care, I offered my mom's help, part time, different shifts etc. Our only debt is our mortgage. Your wife will have to get a job. We're in a unique situation because her parents live next door to us and her mom is a stay at home mom and is willing to watch the baby while we I might just be ignoring some pretty big benefits. I've seen so many new moms on the verge of losing it (I'm a pediatric nurse) because they're so sleep deprived, hormones are going crazy, etc. The fight blew up from there, me saying he’s being sexist and not considering my feelings at all. 5 year old. Her job gives her 3 months leave no pay and my job gave me a month and a half paid. I also don’t expect her to do much besides be a mom. and even so, it’s hard. Rather, I'm a dad who made a career change about a year ago to have more time with family and for my wife. At the same time she comes home 80% of the time annoyed and exhausted. MOD. If you do both well you will become extremely valuable to your spouse. If you had a nanny you would also employ a cleaner, a housekeeper, a driver and a cook as a nanny will not also do the whole family's laundry AND cleaning AND cooking AND dishesetc. She got way depressed and a shell of the women I married the whole family suffered. Not the A-hole. If you bought a house and cars based on your $134k income, its going to be hard to afford them on a $70k income. It would be amazing to not be the only breadwinner. 28. As a stay at home mom, gift certificate to a cleaning service would pretty much guarantee my husband as many blowies as he wanted. She gets no breaks, no time to herself, no “off” time. And make it a legally binding agreement - no one wants to divorce but it happens and a lack of legal agreements on finances is a major factor why stay at home moms end up in old age poverty! Additionally, you two should have a backup plan if you being the breadwinner fails for whatever reason. It's just much cheaper than daycare for 3 kids, but it's not negligible either. Working a job does not excuse you from helping with the kids, at least in my house. I have passions in my life but nothing has ever jumped out at me as a career. ). It shouldn't be notable for a man to want to take care of his kid, or be good at it. There is a lot of stress in being the sole provider. excessively sweet or sentimental. Stay at home mom. Maintaining a well-appointed home, cooking and cleaning, and stretching the family dollar is also hard work. LauraOMcD. I would be asking for more than $17/hour for 2 babies. It induces stress. I’ve been out of college and working for a few years and the work I’m doing has just never brought me happiness. Long story short, he lost his job last year while I [33/F] was 5 months pregnant with our 1st child (he was fired because they refused to give him a raise and then he purposely stopped trying - but that's another story!) Fast forward a year and half later, he still doesn't have a job. You have to completely rework your budget. I think stay at home moms are a waste. I knew that when I left my job, I wouldn't be able to jump right back into it. However, she's nervous and scared, didn't finish college, and doesn't know exactly what she wants to do. Nope! I was a stay at home mom until my oldest entered high school, I got a job to be able to have a little bit extra spending money for myself. Canadian here. This leave can be taken by the month, week, day or even by the hour. Plus, you're still taxed for most of the "earned" income. I do wake up 7am, cook breakfast, clean the house and do some home upgrades or fixes. jt hu en af pl sr kn hb zg oq